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The Orphan Kids Family


An exotically dressed stranger appeared at the Orphan Kids Orphanage one night.


She had a very difficult decision to make...


Mother Superior had ordered Sister Rita to run an orphanage near the Hard Drive Saloon. There were plenty of customers in both places...


Little Larry came around the corner. "Hey, lady, didya forget something!" he demanded angrily. Larry had been at the Orphan Kids Orphanage for nearly 7 years, ever since his parents left him behind in the restroom by accident at the Irving Big Stop in Houlton, ME.

He hated it when the mommies deliberately left behind their babies.

I'm not having fun! Give me more entertainment!


ACADEMY TIP: Single Mom from Hell and Sister Rita learned the hard way! Buy a toy box for your kids---QUICK! Keep their entertainment bars up the easy way, so you can go for days playing computer games and never interact with them. And watch that book case and furniture placement, users! A kid can't get near the toy box, the next thing you know it's military school. Finally, turn the tox box around away from the wall so your kid can open the ding dang thing without a wall balloon popping on you.


In response, the exotic strange began to sing her Everlast cover. "Dontya know what it's like to have to chose?" The reference was utterly lost on Larry. The user was unable to upload the perplexing MP3 file after it ran through RealPlayer "like shit through a goose" as Gen. Patton would say.


"How can you leave your widdle pweshush baby here?!" Larry asked in agony. "How will we feed it properly? Human breast milk contains the immunizing property IgA and thymosin, which times the maturity of male testicles and aids cognitive development. Whereas commercial infant formula contains PCBS and pesticides," Larry cautioned.

"Well, it's a girl, anyway," sighed the exotic stranger.


"You don't understand the ways of the world, young man," the stranger hissed angrily. "You get knocked up, the guy leaves you, you lose your gig singing Joni Mitchell covers, and the next thing you know you're living above a saloon with a squawling rug rat. Then you find you can't collect WIC milk coupons unless you draw down your IRA," she explained. "You end up cynical and drunk and boring someone in some dark cafe. And that's just not good for kids," cried the exotic lady.


"Bill, our work has been accepted into the Academy of Siminalism."

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